What an experience, to receive all your criticisms. That would shake any normal individual. But I’ve spent years having my judgments under a microscope, so I’ve learned to shut my doors to it.
You are all welcome to try—but I won’t be changing any time soon!
Speaking of judgement, yesterday I received this letter:
Mr. Sommelier Ferdinand,
Me and my wife went to a corporate event last week for our firms, and they served glasses of wine with the standard drink ticket ordeal. I peeked behind the bar counter, however, and saw the bartender filling our cups with BOXED WINE! I couldn’t believe it and I nearly threw a fit. Personally, I found it an affront to wine; and you must too. -Jerry
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, you must behave yourself!
I don’t mean to be flip; I’m being genuine. This was a work-related event and you must understand that the way humans use wine—in the greater world, beyond our niche—is that wine is a handy component of social interaction. In my world, full of sommeliers, wine dealers, and educated consumers, it’s an art; but in the context of a work event, you need to understand that you’re powerless to group behavior. Heck, that’s why you have drink tickets! It’s practically a watering hole with the loose semblance of organization, to keep your jungle creatures from eating each other and the surrounding spouses.
You should be mixing and shaking—and instead you go off and “nearly throw a fit”…and there’s a long line of professionals who have nothing to do but look forward at your display! Sure, Jerry, I love wine as much as you (much more, in fact!)—but it’s imperative to pretend you don’t, at certain times. Feel the social current, then hop on an inflatable tube and ride it among your uncultured coworkers.
Next time you catch yourself about to throw a fit over boxed wine (SIDENOTE: those should technically be called “pouched wine”, because “box” is a euphemism we shouldn’t entertain), ask yourself if it’s worth it. If you don’t know, maybe ask your wife: How would she feel to be till-death-unparted with the guy berating an overworked bartender?
Sorry to humiliate you, Jerry, but your plight provides a lesson: Wine expertise is golden, but it must be supplemented with common sense. We all agree with you on the merits, believe me—but your response was questionable…
-Sommelier Ferdinand. 27.7.21